Marriage Fighting Fair

Marriage Fighting Fair with Felice Gerwitz Show Notes How can polar opposites still be married after 36 years of marriage? A snapshot of my marriage. He likes the outdoors – I like to view the outdoors while comfortably sitting indoors I like to read – he likes cliff notes or to tell him what the story is about I love cooking – he loves eating I dislike cleaning – he loves a neat home I am creative – he is a facts kinda guy I am not a perfectionist – he is I love to communicate everything that is on my mind – him, not so much Fighting Fair in Marriage: Our disagreements ranged from: Child rearing – I’m strict he is permissive Pets – I’m a no pet is allowed - he is the more the merrier Kids – I was happy with two – he wanted ten Place to live – where and when we would build He wants to be together 24/7 – I like a little break to read Reasons our marriage has lasted? Because of our faith in GOD and the idea that marriage is sacred. It is a sacramental union and one that we entered into willing – with full knowledge and have an “until death do us part mentality about it. Marriage for us is not an option. Faith is what binds us – it is what makes us attempt to make it work.  Marriage is work – I don’t care if you’ve been married for one week or fifty years – it is a decision each day to care and love the other spouse even if we don’t want to. During my first year of marriage I was ill equipped to handle a full time relationship. I had graduated from college – lived in a dorm – attained all kinds of social status – president, academic awards, etc. and I went on to teach. Sadly I was a hot-head to say the least, I knew what buttons to push, I would often cry, and if I didn’t get my way, threaten divorce. My husband said something that was very wise – and very possibly Divine intervention – he said, first I need to get my emotions under control before he would talk to me and secondly that if I threatened divorce again I better mean it because he would follow through if I didn’t. That was very bold of him. Isaiah 61:3 "...and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." The trouble with fighting within marriage The reason people fight is never the REAL reason why … there is often a root cause of the discontent We are all broken We all have a past We all have been hurt by someone close to us We all are nothing without GOD Reasons are just that … substantiation for how you feel… think about it. He/ she doesn’t care I can’t do anything right – he/she is so critical I don’t get appreciation for all I do We are polar opposites on the things that really matter Giving Up Close off the other spouse – can ‘t hurt anymore if you don’t care Deciding it is better not to communicate because you want to keep from fighting He/she doesn’t listen anyway What I want – Me – Mine He/she doesn’t care about me I am tired of being stepped on I am the one always giving – doing – etc. and I’m tired of it Not fair: Everyone else has a vacation, lives in a house, drives a car etc. I make all the sacrifices Mark 10:9 : "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Jesus' Teaching about Divorce "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."… So how do you fight fair in marriage? Set ground rules: